The world can be a difficult place for South Asian men to navigate with the complex cultural expectations and balancing this with living in a modern world. However, when going through a breakup, this can add an extra layer to an already painful experience. The truth is that men struggle with breakups just as much as women do, but the way they experience and express that struggle often looks different.
This can affect South Asian men in different way to others, as they can find it hard to be vulnerable due to cultural expectations of them needing to be stoic and appear strong. This can lead them to use unhealthy coping tools such as drinking or other distractions to manage these difficult emotions.
From an early age, many men are taught that showing emotion is a weakness. They hear phrases like “man up” and over time they learn to bottle things up. So, when a relationship ends instead of reaching out for support, many men can withdraw. They may bury themselves in work, hit the gym harder than ever or distract themselves with nights out. On the surface, these coping strategies seem to help, but underneath there are often still feelings of sadness and confusion that haven’t been given space to be felt. This sadness at the relationship ending is also a form of grief that needs to be ‘felt’ to heal from.
Grief is not a weakness but a natural response to loss. By creating a safe, non-judgmental space, counsellors can help men voice any emotions they have long suppressed. Encouraging healthy coping strategies such as journaling, exercise or mindfulness can open ways to heal. It can also help with helping men understand how their background or upbringing has shaped how they are dealing with their breakup. Equally important is teaching men the value of connection. This can be reaching out to trusted friends, joining support groups to practice engaging in honest conversations.
One of the hardest things for guys is the isolation that often follows. Women are more likely to talk to friends or family when they’re heartbroken, but men don’t feel they have that option. They may fear judgement or worry about being seen as weak which can be amplified in the South Asian community. Unfortunately, this silence only deepens the pain. In the South Asian culture, shame can be a big factor in people deciding to keep personal issues to themselves, however by speaking about them, men especially learn the power of being authentic and that being vulnerable doesn’t make them less of a man.
Healing rarely happens in isolation and connection is needed. Breakups are never easy and for men they carry an extra layer of challenge because of the expectations society places on them. But healing is always possible. When men allow themselves to grieve properly, they not only recover from heartbreak but also build more emotional strength that will serve them for the rest of their lives.
Practical advice for healing from breakups:
Written by Dee
