Woven into the fabric of who we are as South Asians, is the duty, love, care and responsibility we hold, embedded through generations of cultural beliefs and the foundation of family values. Many of us grow up witnessing our elders taking care of their parents, learning early in life that this is an honourable role as a son or daughter. The love we are taught to hold for our parents goes beyond only caring for them in health, but also through sacrificing when adversity hits and illness occurs, which many of us will experience at some point in our lives.
What this blog aims to present is, bringing awareness to the reality of this life circumstance, which I do not think is spoken about enough within our South Asian community. Awareness of not only the beauty and satisfaction this role can entail, but also the heart wrenching grief, loneliness, and toll this can have on mental wellbeing.
Why Care Giving is Central in South Asian Communities
There is emphasis placed upon the respect, devotion and duty towards our parents – which is not forced upon us, but is mostly absorbed through conditioned behaviours, internalised belief systems, the need to belong within our community and rituals witnessing taking care of one another.
Caring for parents is often seen as:
Respect in South Asian communities is a focal point and keeping ageing or unwell parents at home connected to family, language, food, faith and tradition, is seen at the utmost respect – rather than placing them in caring facilities that clash with cultural expectations and personal beliefs.
What Do We Gain as Individuals and as a Community?
Caring for a elderly or unwell parent can be endlessly rewarding, with a deep sense of purpose, fulfilment and joy that can come from serving somebody that has spent their life in service to you. Deep love can be activated, as you begin to understand the depths that you can go to within yourself to care for another person, along with the awakening and internal transformation that can occur as a result of it.
Additional satisfaction includes:
There is a deep sense of pride and purpose that can be held for knowing that you are doing the best that you can for your parent and this in itself can be the biggest reward to feel.
We however cannot ignore the other side of the internal conflicts that an indiviudal can experience as a result of being a carer. This is a reality that many may find difficult to express.
How Do We Suffer Emotionally and Practically?
There can be a deep suffering surrouding the pressures of caring for parents – from the day-to-day household chores, doctors and hospital appointments, anxiety surrounding constant advancing health conditions, and the emotional challenges of seeing your parent suffering. There is an unspoken reality surrounding emotional isolation and the struggles that may not be expressed, the feelings of loneliness, along with the experience of burnout, all whilst attempting to maintain a personal life that is independent from this. The challenges can create stress, sadness, frustration, and anger. Due to these feelings arising within, guilt can then create a shadow under which there may be a fear of external judgement and shame for maybe not wanting to be in a caring role – this in turn can create deep resentment.
Additional suffering includes:
The act of love shown within the South Asian community is truly one of a kind. The weight however that is also carried silently and deep within by carers for ageing or unwell parents is a battle we must continue to bring awareness to.
Written By Amita
