In counselling sessions, a common theme often emerges about the unspoken pain passed from one generation to the next. This pattern, known as generational trauma, doesn’t always show up as obviously. Instead, it appears in subtle ways: the pressure to achieve, the fear of disappointing others, the difficulty letting out emotions, and the struggle to feel enough.
Understanding the Roots of Generational Trauma
Generational trauma refers to the emotional wounds inherited from previous generations. In South Asian families, these wounds are often tied to experiences such as the partition, migration, poverty, and rigid cultural hierarchies.
For our elders, survival once depended on silence and self-sacrifice. Expressing distress or seeking emotional support wasn’t always an option. Over time, these coping mechanisms became family patterns. Even when the outside circumstances changed, the inside rules remained e.g. “Don’t talk about pain. Keep the family together.”
How Trauma Shows Up in the Family
Generational trauma usually shows up in both behaviour and beliefs:
These patterns are often unintentional, and they are attempts to protect their relationships. Yet they can leave family members feeling disconnected and emotionally burdened.
Therapy as a Space for Healing
In therapy, one of the first steps in recognising generational trauma is creating a safe space to name what has been going on under the surface. Many clients find it liberating to say out aloud that what feels very personal and previously hidden away. This reframing reduces self-blame and opens the door to compassion both for them and previous generations.
Counselling can help to:
When family members share their stories, they begin to see each other not as difficult or distant, but as products of their own experiences and pain. Healing becomes a shared journey rather than an individual struggle.
Moving Forward
Breaking cycles of generational trauma is not about rejecting culture but rebuilding it through healing. When South Asian families begin to prioritise emotional safety alongside cultural pride, they create space for both tradition and growth.
Therapy is a great space to learn and grow as people so we can become good family and community members, that really cherish the strength of Asian families whilst helping them build new ways of understanding other generations, rooted not in fear, but in understanding and compassion.
Written By Dee
