In many South Asian households, family is at the centre of every decision. Career choices, marriage partners, and even lifestyle preferences are seen not just as personal choices, but as reflections of their family’s values and reputation. For parents, investing in their children’s futures and giving them certain values is an act of deep love and sacrifice. For young adults, the desire for independence and self-fulfilment can sometimes clash with these expectations.
One common area of conflict is when children decide to embark on a career path that is different from what their parents wanted for them. Many South Asian parents encourage stable professions such as medicine, engineering, or law. These choices often come from practical reasons, such as giving them more financial security, social status and pride in their own bubbles and communities. However, the newer generation are also drawn to creative industries or other fields that may be more meaningful to them, but less traditional.
Relationships are another sensitive area. In cultures where parents like to be involved in choosing a partner remain common, people who pursue love marriages or relationships outside their community can be met with resistance. Parents may fear them losing their culture or traditions, and even judgement from others. Meanwhile, children may feel misunderstood or even alienated from their own families when their choices are not accepted.
From a counselling perspective, these issues aren’t about a lack of love. Instead, they highlight differences in worldviews shaped by their parents being from a different generation. Parents often act from a place of protection and duty, while children are seeking authenticity and to be able to live life on their own terms. Both sides have their reasons and believe they should be heard.
So how can families navigate these dynamics?
First, encourage open communication. Many families struggle with talking openly about emotions, because they fear it will lead to arguments. Yet creating a safe space for these conversations, where both sides can listen without judgement can help uncover the fears and hopes that are behind each perspective. Parents may discover that their child’s career choice is not about rebellion, but about passion and purpose. Children may realise that their parents’ resistance comes from worry of uncertainty rather than rejecting their feelings.
Secondly, seeking support can make a difference. Whether it’s counselling or having a safe space to explore emotions often helps reduce family conflict. For parents, it can provide reassurance that their concerns are heard. For children, it can validate their need for being independent.
At the end of the day, these issues shine light on a deep truth, that both children and parents want the best for each other, but just that their versions of ‘the best way’ are different. Therapy can help with acting as a bridge and helping families move from tension to understanding and being able to respect each other’s views.
Written By Dee
